3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
