i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize