hotel room ftw
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
