her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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