I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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