I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
