READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
