9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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