dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
