Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
