There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
