I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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