Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
