Sponge bath it is.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize