I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
