Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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