Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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