I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
