this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
