I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
try to milk me bitch
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