Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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