What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
