Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My vagina is officially offended.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
