There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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