your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
