Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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