Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
