i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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