She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
