Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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