i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
