I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
