Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
