I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
bring money and cleavage
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize