I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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