She announced her abortion via fbk
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
