You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I want her autograph on my taint
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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