im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize