I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
