Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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