dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
