Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
