Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
