There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize