seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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