had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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