One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
