literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize