I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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