ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
