Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
