nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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