Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
