no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
