Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
