I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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