Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
not ubering you a puppy
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