the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
