so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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