i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
