She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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