Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize