So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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