just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
