I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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