I got chris browned last night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
