shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
