Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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