I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
