can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
