Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
