Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize