Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
