Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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