do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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