i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
wow bdsm is so cute
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize