I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
