How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
