Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
