My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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