Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
