After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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