I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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