but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
