Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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