I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
