Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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