Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
