That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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